When do you put yourself first and why is it so hard? We are told time and time again to put ourselves first, to consider our own needs. Self help groups, gurus and social media place a huge emphasis on self worth, but this isn’t something that comes naturally to many of us.
As children we are pretty self absorbed with our own wants and needs. So long as we are fed, clothed and looked after, we are generally happy. But as we grow up, our self awareness becomes shaped by our families, the beliefs we take on and by society’s expectations of us.
Once we are adults we take on many responsibilities. We have jobs, careers, a partner and often, children to take care of. The needs of others take priority. This leaves little time for ourselves. Society expects us to achieve, so we work hard at being ‘perfect’. We feel we have to prove ourselves to gain admiration and respect. We feel we have to justify our existence so that we are worthy of love.
So we strive harder to meet this unrealistic image of how we feel we ‘should’ be. We ‘should’ be smarter, work more, earn more money, be the ‘perfect’ partner, mother, daughter, business woman. No wonder our own needs get relegated to tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or never at all. Putting ourselves first doesn’t fit into this agenda.
It’s often only when we become ill, or burnt out, or completely disillusioned with our current lives, that we begin to make changes. It’s only when we become really unhappy that we realise there is more to our lives and that we can alter the way we are living.
When do you put yourself first and why is it so hard? I, too have asked myself this question. I am well aware of my own needs and how I crave space and ‘me’ time in my life, yet I still resist it. It is a practice and something that doesn’t come naturally. I was brought up to always put others needs before my own.
I was told ‘it is selfish’ to think of yourself first. A career in nursing and later reflexology, reinforced this belief. Everyone else needed me more. Yet over the years I realised that if I didn’t put myself first and meet my own needs, I would never have the capacity to be there for others.
I have become much better at this yet I still need reminding. Do you do this too? Perhaps you see clients when you know that you really need a rest? Or maybe you put off doctor’s appointments to fit in with your work days, even when your health demands a more urgent visit. I’ve done this too. I’m still learning, but the more I implement this the easier it becomes.
Last week I had a meeting but wasn’t feeling well. Usually I would just push through but I suddenly remembered to put me first and rearranged the meeting. It was such a simple task yet it felt empowering. I had said ‘No’ to others and ‘Yes’ to myself. Sounds easy but it often feels so difficult to do.
Putting yourself first is really life changing. You begin to open up to opportunities that bring you great joy. You begin to recognise the events and people in your life that no longer serve you and you start to develop strong boundaries around what enriches your life.
Be gentle with yourself when you start to do this as it does take time and practice. A lifetime of being a ‘people pleaser’ isn’t easy to abandon. Some people will not like the new you, but that’s okay. You are not living their lives, but only your own.
You will fall down like I often do, but the more you begin to say ‘Yes’ to you to your needs, the happier and more empowered you will feel.
And isn’t that a wonderful way to live your life.
With love,
Judy xxx
Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.
References: Photo by Drew Colins on Unsplash