How can we be more gentle with ourselves and why is this even necessary? We all know what it means to be gentle. It means we show caring and compassion to another. We show tenderness and kindness. We do this without thinking to a baby or child, or to a beloved pet. We stroke them or pat them and speak in soft words.

But when it comes to ourselves, we are not always so forgiving or kind.

We look in the mirror each morning and criticise our appearance. “I’m looking tired. Oh no, I’ve put on more weight. Look at those bags. That dress looks awful on me.” We are so quick to judge ourselves. Then when it comes to our work or relationships, we are even harsher.

“I need to work harder. I just can’t attract the right guy. I will be judged if I speak out. I’m not good enough.” We then tell ourselves that we need to study more or be more outgoing or wittier or more attractive. We are rarely aware of how we are berating ourselves.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? Awareness is the first step. Awareness of our thoughts and the frequent criticisms we often place on ourselves. Looking at ourselves with love and kindness instead of judgment. I still use Louise Hay’s mantra every morning. I do some stretches as I stand in front of my bathroom mirror and tell myself, ‘I love you and I accept you.’ A friend also said that she gently strokes her face and I have now added this to my morning routine.

Start praising your achievements no matter how small. Our accomplishments are meant to be celebrated. Don’t hold out for the big things, the new job, the pay rise, the new diploma or degree. Yes these are fantastic, but life is made up of so many smaller gains.

What if you wrote that first newsletter and pressed send, or walked twenty minutes further than you had ever done before? What if you were able to say ‘sorry’ first in an argument? What if you made a special meal for yourself, for no special reason? What if you bought yourself some flowers, just because you could? What if you just managed to get out of bed each day?

We are all human with different frailties. We all have different challenges in our lives. Yet each day we achieve something, no matter how small and when we do this, we should praise ourselves. Being gentle means to be tender and kind and this is something we can all do. We are so quick to look at the negative, especially when it concerns ourselves. But what if we looked at the positives instead? What if we said ‘no’ to our inner critic.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? We can do this not just by our thoughts, but by our actions. We can learn to slow down and not try and do everything at once. We can say ‘no’ to perfectionism. It is after all, quite exhausting. We can learn to say ‘yes’ to the things we love in life, the people and activities that bring us joy. We can prioritise and choose the important things in our lives. We can stop feeling guilty about pleasing everyone.

Being gentle means to love and value yourself, in your actions and your words. It’s a necessary part of our lives because it means we care about ourselves and the choices we make. It means we are treating ourselves as a dear and loving friend. It means we are living a purposeful life where we matter. So take the time to look at how you are being gentle in your life, especially towards yourself.

Praise yourself and recognise just how fantastic you really are. Keep being kind to your beloved pets, but share some of that gentleness and kindness with yourself.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

My book , “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise,” is now available here. It looks at the roles we take on in our lives due to our upbringing and society’s expectations of us and how we can learn to step out of these roles, if we want to find our true selves. This means being gentle and kind to yourself.

References: “You can Heal your Life” by Louise Hay. Photo by Reign Abarintos on Unsplash

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.